Do Teenage Relationships Last?

As someone who married my high school sweetheart, and coming from a family with a long line of high school sweethearts, I’m a little biased when it comes to answering the question, “Do teenage relationships last?” But before we dive into that question (I promise, I’ll be objective), I thought it’d be interesting to look at the stats. If you’ve listened to our podcast, you know Anna and I love giving people context. The way we approach answering questions is no different.

In the 1980s, about 20% of teenagers aged between 15 and 17 were married. The trend of young people getting married before even reaching adulthood started to significantly decrease at the beginning of the 1990s (phew). In modern times, marriage between teenagers is much less prominent.

It’s also estimated that less than 2% of high school relationships last, while 54% of married high school couples end up in divorce within 10 years. (Okay, I’m sufficiently paranoid about my marriage now).

The good news (not just for me) is that 78% of the high school sweethearts who waited until they were at least 25 before getting married don’t get divorced within this time frame.

Now, I want to dive into whether or not a teenage relationship can last, how past relationships will impact any future romantic relationships, what we can learn from our teenage relationships, and finally settle whether or not teenage relationships last (regardless of the stats).

Short answer – they definitely can, although they aren’t likely to. However, I think it’s important to note that if you know teenagers that are dating, there is no need to diminish their experience or relationship just because they’re young.

Now, for the long answer. Of course, whether any relationship lasts depends on the specific circumstances and people involved. Teenage relationships are no different. Although teenagers are young, and not yet fully formed adults, they are individuals who have romantic goals in mind – even if it’s just to have a date to homecoming (I, myself, prayed for a date to homecoming when I was 14).

But, most teenage relationships don’t last, and I think it’s because most teenagers don’t want to spend forever with the person they’re dating when they’re 16, and that’s okay. The stats might imply that teenagers “can’t” have healthy relationships or that their relationships are doomed from the start – but, as an eternal optimist and romantic, I don’t think that’s true. In fact, maybe the relationships aren’t lasting because teenagers have a good sense of when to end a relationship – i.e. before marriage. But, if you want to hear about one success story, I thought we’d dive into mine below.

How to Make a Teenage Relationship Last

I’ve been a romance-obsessed person since I was little (see our first blog post where the first thing I said in kindergarten was how beautiful someone was). When I was in 10th grade, I had my first heartbreak. Afterward, I wanted to get back into the dating game immediately (because, obviously). I had crushes on a few people…3 to be exact. But there was one person, in particular, I was really into. His name was Stevie, he was a musician, and he asked me about the lyrics I wrote and posted on Facebook.

My inner Swiftie came out and I knew I had to mastermind a relationship with this boy. My two must-haves for marriage at that time were musician and depth. Stevie had both of those in spades. At first, we were just flirting, talking all the time. I fell in love quickly. I told him I loved him before he technically even asked me out (I’m ballsy when I date). And we’ve been together ever since.

Have the same goals and be transparent

How? Well, with any relationship, I approach it from a place of complete transparency. I told Stevie I was dating for marriage. And he said he was also. Yes, we were 16 and 17. Yes, we didn’t understand a lot about relationships. But our goals were the same. Life isn’t a game and dating shouldn’t be one either, although I know movies like to make it out to be one.

The reason our teenage relationship lasted was that we had the same goals and were transparent with each other about what those were. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t have started dating in the first place.

Compatibility

The other reason my relationship lasted was that we were and are compatible. When you’re dating, it’s important that there’s an inherent symbiotic relationship. There’s a give-and-take with conversation. It’s interesting, it’s fun. You have the same interests and have a great time talking to each other. That might seem like a small requirement, but it’s not something to forget. It should be easy to talk to your partner and be friends with them. While that won’t always be the case (of course there will be bumps in the road and peaks and valleys), when you’re first starting out, the conversation should be easy, exciting, and fun. That compatibility is so important to whether or not any relationship lasts.

My approach to relationships probably won’t work for everyone, but relationships can last if there’s a similar goal, honesty, and compatibility. I think of it this way: Those things are the bare minimum. They’re the foundation. Because I have those things in my relationship, any problem that comes up can be fixed (except for a few things that Stevie and I have listed as nonnegotiables). Know what your nonnegotiables are and share them with your partner. And they’ll change. Your goals will too. That’s why transparency and continued honesty is the basis for any lasting relationship.

What We Can Learn From Our Past Relationships

Relationships can be hard. Scratch that. Relationships are hard. Experiencing heartbreak and losing trust with others is one of the main reasons many relationships, not just teenage ones, don’t last. As humans, we let our past emotional trauma impact our present day, even though we don’t have to. We can learn, grow, change, and become the best version of ourselves.

If you’ve been in therapy (like I have), you’ve heard your counselor say, “It’s just information.” Your reactions, emotional or otherwise, are information for you to learn how you can best function as a person in the world and in your relationships.

For me, I had one relationship before my marriage (yes, that’s what happens when you marry your high school sweetheart). That first boyfriend of mine broke up with me 5 times and I broke up with him once. It wasn’t exactly a healthy relationship or even a serious one, but being broken up with that many times impacted the way I’ve acted in my current relationship.

Even with my minimal dating experience, I still learned a lot about myself from my past relationship. And using your heartbreak to learn about yourself is the best way to move forward. From a past relationship, you could learn:

What are your nonnegotiables
What are your goals in dating and romance
How do you want to be in a future relationship
What do you want to avoid in a future relationship
Where can you improve and grow as a person

Teenage relationships can be fraught with a lot of childish drama, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t last. Being with someone for the long haul is just about growing with that person and being committed to being together, no matter how old you are.

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Do Teenage Relationships Last?